amazing things japanese people can do on trains
1. after boarding the train and finding a seat, fall asleep so that one's head falls forward or backward and one's mouth falls open (lots of falling involved). a mere four stops and fifteen minutes later, wake up just before the train pulls to a gentle halt and stand in front of the doors to disembark.
2. in one smooth movement: board train, sit down. extract compact mirror from purse. dab face with special blotting pad. powder amazingly delicate, flawless face. tip head back and administer eye drops. insert contact lenses. curl eyelashes. pat perfectly styled hair as train pulls to gentle halt. stand and disembark.
3. train-surf like the train ain't moving (ie, balance oneself, swaying only slightly, without holding onto one of those sissy hand straps like a tourist, even when the train does not come to a gentle halt).
4. navigate from train door to correct escalator to correct platform on the other side of the station, then to the exact spot where the train door stops and opens, and then onto the right train, all while focusing one's intense stare at one's cell phone, texting texting texting like one has a homing device planted in one's brain, my god.
5. avoid eye contact with anyone even though the car is stuffed with 398 people.
2. in one smooth movement: board train, sit down. extract compact mirror from purse. dab face with special blotting pad. powder amazingly delicate, flawless face. tip head back and administer eye drops. insert contact lenses. curl eyelashes. pat perfectly styled hair as train pulls to gentle halt. stand and disembark.
3. train-surf like the train ain't moving (ie, balance oneself, swaying only slightly, without holding onto one of those sissy hand straps like a tourist, even when the train does not come to a gentle halt).
4. navigate from train door to correct escalator to correct platform on the other side of the station, then to the exact spot where the train door stops and opens, and then onto the right train, all while focusing one's intense stare at one's cell phone, texting texting texting like one has a homing device planted in one's brain, my god.
5. avoid eye contact with anyone even though the car is stuffed with 398 people.
posted by a wandering eye at 10:47 PM
2 Comments:
If I could do any one of those things remotely well, I would consider my life well-lived. I am boiling edamame now and will recall the time we had sushi in J-Town with your mom who laughed at me for eating the outside.
Feh, you've done more amazing things than that, my dear, and we all know I'm not talking about gumming edamame skins, neither.
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