Tuesday, November 30, 2004

thanks

somebody should thank me for not having kids.

but do you think this looks like me?

no but really. i am so thankful for the trite but certainly true blessings that are my circle of friends and family. i don't know where i'd be without their having carried me over those ruts or picked me up and dusted off my skinned knees at various bumpy spots along the road. thank you thank you for that.

i am also thankful for fleeces, cozy striped socks, silk scarves, and (owmythroat) hot tea.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

fleeing the scene

legally, as the primary leaseholder of this sunny space, i can ask firehazard to move out. ethically, i can't stomach the idea of kicking someone out...unless he's, oh, just coming into his schizophrenia and conning rent money from me and several other tenants in the building without actually paying the rent, and leaving (literal) shit in the bathroom and dishes to rot until amphibious creatures slither out of them. (oh, how funny it is now and how enraged i was then.)

at this point in time, comparing my life circumstances with firehazard's, i think it's kinder and easier to be the one to leave. this place is difficult to find roommates for, built the way it is, and flatman is moving out in the nearish future. so i'd have to go through the housemate-hunting rigmarole at least twice in the next few months, with another big southeast asia trip wedged in between.

for three people to share this space, the personalities have to balance each other well – and at this point, i am the negative edge the bad seed the wet blanket. in fact, i am the gigantic, all-permeating mass of bad energy that needs to pack up her things and move across the hall.

and it all works out. my noise-jazz musician neighbor has been without a housemate for months, holding out for someone he likes, and after a few chats over tea he offered me the space. it's a cool little loft with a semi-enclosed, skylit sleeping space and a walk-in closet downstairs. i'll be able to stay in this little brick building, which means i don't have to give up my afternoons of listening to soothing industrial-strength fireworks that, even now, are going off in the street. (it's not even dark yet, you dumbass preadolescents!) we're giving it a six-month trial, so neither of us has to commit to anything but i can still get outta here before i lose any more of my precious few marbles.

and the moral of the story is: if you can't deal, run away.
[ed note: beware of snide advice from those high on caffeine]

Monday, November 15, 2004

big day out

sunday was superb until after midnight, when monday muscled it out of the way.

i met artsy broad for breakfast in emeryville, where she ordered the grits like she always does after scouring the menu for something different and more appealing, and i ODed on starch with a fried egg on top. and cheese. we bitched and moaned and giggled raucously about our various adventures over the last several months. she does a mean australian accent. i, on the other hand, am just mean.

later in the day, evening plans were laid for another friend and me to meet for drinks and see a mutual friend/acquaintance play at the makeout room. around 9pm, dos equis and i met my friend and her significant other for a drink in the mission, and then two of their pals showed up, and eventually we made it to the musical venue.

our musician friend played extremely well, as he is wont to do – what with his beautiful voice, piercingly depressing lyrics, and formidable guitar-playing talent. dos equis asked me to dance for the last band's last song, and even though it embarrasses the hell out of me to slow dance in public, i allowed myself to be slow danced because it's sweet and it makes him happy. we said goodbye to our group at 1am because all the chairs had been piled on all the tables except for ours: time to go.

walking back to the car, dos equis gently accused me of saying some mean things to him over the course of the night, and then in the car halfway home, he had to pull over because we were so busy yelling at each other. i'm not really sure how the argument devolved to that point, both of us being relatively laid-back people who (almost, apparently) always address each other with love and respect. insofar as yelling can be done respectfully, this we did with all the windows shut and the parking brake yanked up.

and i realized that i had said some unnecessarily mean things and bossed him around and generally acted like a jerk. plus, lately, i take all of my frustration about my many, varied work pressures and aim it all squarely at his head. he bears this extremely patiently for the most part but last night was feeling particularly abused and let me know in no uncertain terms – for which i'm glad, because i needed a good yelling-at.

it makes me very, very sad and demoralized to have to be told i'm acting like a f-ing shrew. i think maybe i need to move to a yurt in the hills.

Monday, November 08, 2004

sunday rundown, rundown monday

1. awaken, enter main space
2. notice strong smell of gas
3. go to stove, turn off gas (medium-high, no flame)
4. roll eyes, open windows
5. boil water for coffee once kitchen is sufficiently aired out
6. watch firehazard merrily descend spiral staircase
7. inform firehazard of her latest transgression
8. listen to her breezy apology and careless explanation before she moves merrily on
9. roll eyes (times ten: eyeballs are now rolling around the floor)

note: i am now officially keeping score.

but in other news, i allowed myself an afternoon off and attended the green festival in SF (having driven myself, and only myhypocriticalself, over the bay bridge in my car) with my free ticket and did not see T who i thought would be working the global exchange booth but wasn't. however, i did run into a high school classmate who is one of the brains behind the xtracycle! those of you socially- and environmentally-conscious folk who ride your bikes everywhere anyway might want to convert to an even more car-free lifestyle. they will make your bike into an 'SUB' (sport utility bicycle).

personally, i just need to ride my bike more in the first place, but bay area traffic scares me. recently, a certain crazy-haired friend of mine was hit while on her bike – luckily, all she felt was a violent but painless BAM when the car hit and ran. after a bunch of bystanders asked if she was OK and she tried riding forward but couldn't, she looked back and realized that her bike frame was now a J-shape. at least, she said, if she herself had been hit, she would never have known what hit her.

(why do i keep veering towards the mean and morbid today? because the cold has seeped into my bones? because there are creationists trying to put 'don't believe the evolutionary theory hype' stickers on biology textbooks in public schools? because love and laughter and even a cocktail of seven medications do not make mental illness go away?)

i did get to emeryville fedex in good time tonight, though (it's the little things). this means that my assignment was only a month & five days late, so please hoist a drink for me tonight. i am having a boont amber to celebrate.

cheers.

Friday, November 05, 2004

run away!

planning on fleeing the country? a kind-hearted canadian could make your day. (they even have an 'aboot' page.)

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

the day after

well, the people have spoken, and i think what they've said is: WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO NOT THINK CRITICALLY.

or maybe: i'm voting for the guy who'll let me have a gun so i can shoot myself in the foot!

or: gay marriage is WRONG and michael moore is FAT.

i would much rather have had some wacky ambien*-induced misadventure on halloween than trauma on election day or the day after. is it too late to trade? i'll be happy to take a bad trip for the cause.

diagonal sheets of rain have just started pouring down, fittingly enough. got any soup pots i could borrow in about 20 minutes when the roof starts leaking? –och, thunder. the gods are also displeased.



*did you notice their ads last night on CBS, offering free samples? they knew lots of people would be losing sleep last night (and for the next four years or so).

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

trauma-free halloween

yep. missed my extended deadline. i threw most of the assignment up onto the server of doom, knowingly neglecting some of the smaller bits and pieces so that i could at least get some of the weight off my chest to justify to myself the four hours i'd be spending at halloween in the castro. i had a stomachache of anxiety and felt just as stressed afterwards as before i'd transferred all my files over. it was anticlimactic and undone and frankly made me feel like a loser who couldn't get her shiz together even with an extension. some things never change.

anyway, while i sweated the details, dos equis went out to the drugstore to pick up costume parts for me. if, on halloween eve, you are sans costume and have little to work with and no time to think of something fun and creative and so opt to go as a witch (i know, i'm a loser. see above para), just know that all your boy will find left at the drugstore will be a green, sequined witch hat made of foam that you will have to hold onto your head all night because it will fall off at the slightest provocation.

also, do not give into the temptation to buy those gross fake teeth, because the instructions are enough to make a grown woman wanna gag. those instructions include steps like mashing two types of putty together and then mushing the mixture into a tray so that it oozes out of the tray's holes, and then putting the whole thing into your mouth before it hardens, after which it must stay there for several minutes to ensure a custom fit into your unique palate and gums. mmm, no thanks. i'm not too squeamish about most things, but dog damn that sounds disgusting.

dos equis wore a scary skull mask with a jester hat over it (you get a prize* if you can visualize this and guess what the costume represented), i put on my mish-mash of layers and my disco witch hat, and off we went to MUNI to the castro. packed trains, packed streets, everything you would expect. no public alcohol, but lots of people frying their fragile little egg brains on other substances. masses of people moving up and down the street, several samba drumming groups, people with beat boxes, costumes like a martini glass (the guy's head was the olive, and he had a big sheet of plastic around his neck, like a giant elizabethan dog collar).

miss J's performance started only fifteen or twenty minutes late, but then the sound system kept seizing and shutting off their music, and the crowd, though huge, was a bunch of zombies. a few people got into it, and did their own little dances in the street while they watched the group, but hardly anybody cheered. the drag queen hostesses were actually heckling the crowd for being so very dead. miss J and her crew performed excellently under pressure, though, and their routine rocked. as usual.

afterwards, we muscled our way back down market and a bunch of us managed to meet for a drink at café du nord, where we dominated the pool table, listened to odd punky rocky cover tunes, swilled gin & tonics (gin: yuck. tonic: yuck. gin AND tonic: hey! who knew? i guess everybody but me) and explained our costumes to each other. next year i'll think of something clever.

hey, but i voted today! did you?


* the pride of knowing that you are a stoner