deep breaths, stars in the night sky, practicing on a gorgeous, brand-new, not-mine gibson. i freed myself from the grip of the uninspired assignment, delivered only a week late and perhaps three dollars short. the final bit of classified material had to be handed off physically, of course, during a quick coffee date in santa monica with my lead spy. after coffee and an obligatory survey of the local belgian chocolate shop, i zipped over to los feliz in record time and lunched with filmschoolgirl and gameboy, where we three made merry generalizations in a holiday way, and asked such questions as, 'what right/nerve/responsibility does one have to tactfully question a friend's parenting practices (in cases involving, say, gestational drug use or open child abuse)?'
next day, i got stuck in an 11-mile traffic jam in san diego due to some knife-wielding, rock-throwing man on the side of the highway getting shot by the cops. terrible all round, the least of it my being stuck in a car for five hours.* the payoff, on arrival, was being served a swedish dinner of smoked salmon and caviar and dill potatoes and gewürztraminer by dos equis' lovely parents. and then the next day meeting my oldest friend L's beautiful, healthy, 12-day-old daughter for the first time. she was so busy doubling in size like a hot little bread loaf that after holding her, her output of heat generated enough energy for dos equis and me to channel it into my car's gas tank, allowing us to drive petroleum-free all the way back to SB in half an hour!**
upon arriving at dad's house, we said a quick hello as dad and little bro ate dinner, then did a quick-change and arrived fashionably late at the pre-wedding party for some dearest of dear friends who decided in november to be wed this new year's eve. dos equis was a bit startled by a certain uncle who introduced himself by sidling up to say, 'you're handsome, who are you?' and then steering the conversation to the subject of manors in tuscany – him, lots to say. us? we know nothing. this uncle, once a VP at a major media company, had the misfortune of having a table fall on his head while minding his own business walking down a city street, and though he has made a seriously remarkable recovery, has never been the same since. the party was lovely, and afterwards we got to sleep. (sweet, sweet sleep, o how i have missed you! i could write an ode)
there followed a day of panic shopping, since i'd thought we were camping out in a shack for the wedding and thus had brought nothing appropriate to wear for plan B – plan B set in place due to pouring rain and the impracticality of 30 guests schlepping up (or skidding off) a muddy mountain road under those conditions. i wound up buying something, then talking myself into thinking that the pants i'd brought were too linty and sloppy-looking, and then finding a dress (that i have owned since high school!) at the bottom of my bag which i did wear. hi, i'm not neurotic.
new year's eve was the wedding day. this friend (pseudonymously called gwen here), who i grew up with, is one of the oldest souls i know. though the phrase might seem stilted, people have described her as such and this is truly one of the first things that occurs to you when you meet her. she communicates such wisdom and kindness just in her gaze, with an utter lack of pretension or artifice. she's amazing and wonderful and the most talented artist i am lucky enough to know, and her beloved is her perfect match. he happens to be the younger brother of a close friend of ours and they have created a warm, loving, blessed home and extended family over the past eight years.
it poured all morning, but this made the parental ranch house seem all the more snug, and festive with huge, hand-picked garlands of pine and eucalyptus and sprigs of mistletoe hung in discreet places. the ceremony was short, sweet, officiated by one of the bride's brothers, and full of happy weeping and little jokes and a well-placed quote from
the princess bride. afterwards there was a buffet line for burritos and three kinds of wedding cupcakes baked by the brother of the groom.
dos equis and i escaped that night to downtown SB, where we'd booked a room. we had a low-key evening at one of my favorite little bars, where a former coworker happened to be playing lead guitar that night after the DJ was, thankfully, shut down. because i live in a cave, i have no clue what makes a good DJ – but apparently he didn't know either. it sounded confusing, annoying and unironically anti-rhythmic. not in an avant-garde way. but the band was good, the couch cozy, the people friendly, and the champagne just right. and we didn't get rained on as we strolled back to the room.
before all the driving, there was xmas, wherein little bro cooked a beef tenderloin for him and dad, and smoked a slab of glazed salmon for me while i spent the day preparing the last of my work to deliver the morning after. new year's brought superficial contemplation; the deeper examination of the new familial configuration is still a process. i miss my mom. i can't understand how she can not be here. the evidence of her presence is everywhere in this house, but her actual presence has been much more elusive.
i started a painting yesterday and finished it today, my first in at least a year, with borrowed paints and palette and evil telescoping-legged easel. i think it bodes well for my vague wishes for the year, to rise above, to slow down and simply feel, to be mindful in the moment, to honor my creativity instead of relegating what makes me happy to something labeled 'frivolous waste of time.' if i peel off the label, i might see the original lettering, which says something like 'parachute.'
* though, consider that i drove from the bay area to santa barbara to LA back to santa barbara to san diego in the span of FOUR DAYS, AARRRGgghhh.
** blatant, bizarre untruth.
